The time following the Christmas festivities and leading into the New Year provides a wonderful opportunity to spend some time (as little as an hour or as much as a day) to acknowledge your achievements, what you did well, what might need focus more next year and especially, what you have to be thankful for in your life.

Each year in late December I take some time to reflect upon my achievements for the year and begin planning for what I want to achieve for the next 12 months of my life.  I love taking the opportunity to consider what I want to achieve, getting excited about the various opportunities that this coming year can bring,

Below are some tips on how to go about preparing your goals for the upcoming year. This process is useful for anyone and everyone and can be used in both personal and business situations.

There are a two key steps involved. I like to begin with reflecting on the year that has been and getting grateful for all that this year has bought into my life. Renowned motivational speaker Tony Robbins talks about an ‘attitude of gratitude’ and how becoming grateful for what we have in our lives means we in turn attract more positive, enjoyable experiences and more to be thankful for.

Step 1: Yearly Reflections & Gratitude

Some people like to take notes or write in a journal to record these yearly reflections. Others just like to sit and ponder. Do whatever feels right for you!

• If you are someone who already set goals, consider what you set yourself to achieve this year. Which ones did you achieve? Which ones did you almost achieve or revised into another goal?
• How do you feel about you as you consider these things that you achieved? Proud, excited, inspired, surprised?
• What else did you see, experience and learn this year that you are proud of? Who did you spend time with that is important to you?
• What are the Top 5 things you achieved this year that you are most proud of? These things don’t necessarily need to be big, but just anything that is important to you ie. I got back into great physical shape. I had a baby, I grew a baby, I achieved a career goal, I strengthened my relationship with my sister etc.
• With those Top 5 (or more) reflecting upon what goals you achieved and then begin the process of gratitude. You do this by starting with yourself, then in your mind take yourself through the thoughts, feelings and images associated with each of those Top5. Focus on the feelings of pride and happiness, then when you have a strong awareness of that move onto to your next top achievement and repeat.
• Continue doing this for all 5 and as you do so imagine you can really fill yourself up with a big bucket of feelings and images; all of these related to you achieving, succeeding, being happy and having much to be grateful for in your life. This is getting into an “attitude of gratitude”, so that you almost feel overflowing, with gratitude for all that you have achieved.
• You can then expand this process to other people and things in your life eg. A roof over my head, wonderful friends, a stable job, a loving relationship.
• This gratitude exercise is something you can do on a regular basis (daily/ weekly / monthly) by simply becoming aware of what is present in your life that you have to be grateful for. The more we focus on these things, the more easily we attract and the more our lives become rewarding and fulfilled.

Now you have gotten grateful and are in a great mindset to attract, the next step is to begin goal setting.

Many people question the value in goal setting so I urge you to consider this well known proverb “Those who fail to plan, plan to fail”.  This year you can begin by creating a plan so you have something to work towards. Your goals can be changed and refined throughout the year if necessary, but real value comes with knowing what that you are taking steps towards, what you enjoy and appreciate in your life and in turn simply by having some written goals you are more likely to a) achieve your goals and b) be happier and more fulfilled in your life.

Step 2: Goal Setting

Goal setting is really about dreaming – imagining your life as you would like it to be. To do this it is useful to first be in a positive grateful mindset and reflecting on your recent achievements (as detailed above).

• There are 5 areas of your life that are useful to consider for goal setting, these are:  Health, Lifestyle, Family & Relationships, Career & Finances, Emotional & Spiritual. You should create at least one goal in each of these areas.
• The common analogy for goal setting is SMART: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Results Oriented and Timeframe. This means each goal needs to have a specific focus, be measurable, be something you believe is attainable, be positively focused and have a set timeframe / frequency.
• Consider anything that is lacking from your life now and how you can set a goal to encourage more focus or attention in that area. Eg I need more time to exercise – set a goal around the frequency or your exercise plan for next year.
• As you begin writing your goals come back to SMART and test each goal to ensure it is; Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Results Oriented and includes a Timeframe.
• It can be useful to refer to your 2011 goals (written or otherwise) and consider if any of these are still relevant. Often we might carry a longer term goal over or re-work it slightly to reflect a slightly different direction. Eg. 2010 Goal: I have upgraded my car to a Blue BMW by 2013. 2012 Goal: We have upgraded our car to a practical family wagon that is fuel efficient. This is an example of a goal that may not have been achieved but has evolved over time.

Sample Goals for 2012

Health: I exercise and make time for me daily. I enjoy yoga or a gym workout at least 3x per week.

Lifestyle: I have a good balance between work and family; I spend at least 30 min every day in dedicated play with my kids.

Family and Relationships: I enjoy a dedicated date night with my husband at least 2x every month. We have at least 2x interstate visits each year to spend time with family.

Career & Finances: I feel rewarded by my job and earn over $60K per year.

Emotional & Spiritual: I take time to stop, breathe and get grateful at least 1x each day. I attend a yoga class at least 1x per week.

Here are some benefit to co-sleeping and tips on how to do it safely thanks to Dr Bill Sears http://www.askdrsears.com/

• Cultures who traditionally practice safe co-sleeping, such as Asians, enjoy the lowest incidence of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
• Trusted research by Dr. James McKenna, Director of the Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory of the University of Notre Dame, showed that mothers and babies who sleep close to each other enjoy similar protective sleep patterns.  Mothers enjoy a heightened awareness of their baby’s presence, what I call a “nighttime sleep harmony,” that protects baby.  The co-sleeping mother is more aware if her baby’s well-being is in danger.
• Babies who sleep close to their mothers enjoy “protective arousal,” a state of sleep that enables them to more easily awaken if their health is in danger, such as breathing difficulties.
• Co-sleeping makes breastfeeding easier, which provides many health benefits for mother and baby.
• More infant deaths occur in unsafe cribs than in parents’ bed.
• Co-sleeping tragedies that have occurred have nearly always been associated with dangerous practices, such as unsafe beds, or parents under the influence of substances that dampen their awareness of baby.
• Research shows that co-sleeping infants cry less during the night, compared to solo sleepers who startle repeatedly throughout the night and spend 4 times the number of minutes crying. Startling and crying releases adrenaline, which can interfere with restful sleep and leads to long term sleep anxiety.
• Infants who sleep near to parents have more stable temperatures, regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing compared to babies who sleep alone.  This means baby sleeps physiologically safer.
• A recent large study concluded that bed sharing did NOT increase the risk of SIDS, unless the mom was a smoker or abused alcohol.

Tips for safe co-sleeping

• We recommend using a bassinet that attaches safely and securely to parents’ bed, which allows both mother and baby to have their own sleeping space, while baby still enjoys sleeping close to mommy for easier feeding and comforting.
• If bed-sharing, practice these safe precautions:
  • Place babies to sleep on their backs.
  • Be sure there are no crevices between the mattress and guardrail or headboard that allows baby’s head to sink into.
  • Do not allow anyone but mother to sleep next to the baby, since only mothers have that protective awareness of baby.  Place baby between mother and a guardrail, not between mother and father. Father should sleep on the other side of mother.
  • Don’t fall asleep with baby on a cushy surface, such as a beanbag, couch, or wavy waterbed.
  • Don’t bed-share if you smoke or are under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or medications that affect your sleep.

Enjoy sharing sleep with your precious babies and children.

Here are a few more considerations when planning and researching your birth preferences.

Side Effects of Epidurals: on Mother

• Severe restriction in mobility due to epidural wire in spine, partial or complete leg paralysis
• Continuous fetal monitoring and IV in arm during labor despite frequent occurrence of either no pain relief (5%) or inadequate pain relief (10%).
• Lowered oxytocin, endorphin and adrenalin levels in blood, which prevents the fetal ejection reflex and the ecstatic “high” feeling after birth.
• Fentanyl itch—a common itchy red chest rash in reaction to opiates.
• Painful wound in the back, where needle entered, lasting 1–2 days.
• Short- or long-term generalized backache lasting weeks to months (5% chance).
• Full-blown migraine headache following birth, lasting 1–7 days (5% chance).
• 1 in 250,000 will be paraplegic for the rest of their lives.
• Loss of empowering birth experience.
• Decreased confidence in ability of body to function and ability to mother compared to empowering birth experience.
• Remember: A woman who can sit still long enough to have an epidural inserted during labor can have a relatively painless, unmedicated birth if she were provided adequate birth support in the home setting. If and when she figures this out, she may be resentful that no one informed her of this beforehand.

Possible Epidural Side Effects on Baby

• Frequently causes deep drop in maternal blood pressure causing fetal anoxia.
• When maternal fever exceeds 38 degrees C (for 15% of women who received an epidural; 1% of women not receiving an epidural), neonatal seizures are more likely.
• Epidural use makes the baby more likely to undergo neonatal sepsis evaluations and neonatal antibiotic treatment.

Possible Effects on Mother and Baby:

• Doubles the risk of vacuum extraction and bruising to babies head and face, increasing perineal damage and risk of permanent incontinence for mother.
• Frequently increases risk of cesarean surgery (50%) by lowering oxytocin levels, which causes a slower labor, and relaxing pelvic muscles, which causes the baby to turn posterior.
• Lowers chance of mother successfully breastfeeding, short- and long-term.
• Infrequently, an epidural can prevent cesarean surgery. There are two situations in which this may be the case: a woman who is in adrenalin overload, who has not been offered any pain relief other than epidural (and the adrenalin is presumably interfering with progress of dilation) gets so much relief from the epidural that her contractions actually improve without any need for augmentation. In the second situation, presume that a woman who is at 8 cm with a persistent posterior baby needs Syntocin augmentation to make her contractions stronger to help turn the baby, but she is already exhausted due to the long haul to get to 8 cm. In this case, an epidural may allow her to cope with IV Syntocin augmentation, and she will progress with stronger uterine contractions, sometimes spontaneously turning the fetus to an occiput anterior position.

Source Midwifery Today http://www.midwiferytoday.com/articles/epiduraltrip.asp

Breastfeeding is natural. Mothers and babies are biologically programmed to have a breastfeeding relationship. It is not breastfeeding that ties us to our babies but nature, because staying close to our babies is also natural.

Human babies are born far too early compared to other mammals. In order to squeeze their large heads through pelvises that allow us to walk upright, they need to be born at least three months earlier than they should be.

Many people talk nowadays about a ‘fourth trimester’. Consider that our newborns have been held inside us, constantly nourished, never too full, never too hungry, never alone, never in silence for over nine months. And now consider the shock of being born into a world where you are sometimes desperately hungry, sometimes uncomfortably full, sometimes left alone with no human contact, and, for some babies, occasionally left alone in a room that is silent.

Newborn human babies need time to adjust to being outside the womb, and it’s usually at least the first three months (hence the phrase ‘the fourth trimester’). Many parents will recognise that this is the time their babies start to ‘wake up’ and become more interested in the outside world. Before that point, their whole world is Mummy, and that’s how they’re set up biologically to live.

Babies don’t become clingy and tied to their Mum because their Mums keep them close, they are biologically programmed to be clingy and tied to their Mum. It is normal human baby behaviour.

It is not normal in our culture, however, to allow this to happen. For over a century we have been told by baby ‘experts’ to train our babies to be independent from us as early as possible. To train them to be able to fall asleep, and stay asleep, apart from us. To be with other adults without being distressed – or even to just be alone without being distressed.

We are told we need to send our children to nursery in order to learn how to socialise, and to school in order to learn how to live. It’s as if the ‘experts’ believe that eighteen year olds will still need to be breastfed and sleep with their parents if they’re not forced to learn how to be self-sufficient by the age of eighteen weeks!

But this simply isn’t the case. You can trust your baby to become an independent adult one day, but that’s easier said than done when we parent in a culture that doesn’t trust in that process at all.

And that is the crux of the painful feelings that many mothers experience – the mismatch between what our bodies and our babies bodies are telling us, and what our culture is telling us. In addition, we live in a culture that doesn’t respect or value children, mothers or families.

It’s easy to blame breastfeeding for a feeling of enslavement, but it’s not that at all. If this is you, I can categorically say that you haven’t ‘made a rod for your own back’. It is likely that your babies will grow up secure and happy and all this hard work will pay off in the end. It is nothing you’ve done that has created this situation – your baby is simply behaving normally. It is our culture that behaves abnormally, and our culture that has created this situation for you.

Imagine living in a culture where children were not segregated but were, instead, welcomed as full members of society. Imagine working in jobs where babies can come with you, and toddlers can play around your feet while you work. Imagine mothers being valued and celebrated. Imagine a society that did what it could to make life easier for mothers – sharing child-caring duties, large groups of children of different ages who play with and learn from each other, children who are enabled to learn about the adult world by living in it.

Can you see that if you lived in a more natural culture like this, breastfeeding wouldn’t be a tie at all? You would simply keep your baby in a sling, get on with your life, and feed your baby whenever she needed it with very little disruption to you. And when you needed a break from your baby (which you probably wouldn’t), your baby would have been brought up spending so much time around other adults and children that it is likely he’d be more than happy to be held by someone else for short periods of time…so long as that separation is managed by him, not you.

Can you see that if you lived in this culture, it wouldn’t be unacceptable to say ‘sorry, I can’t do this job just this moment because my children need me’? Instead, if you said that, everyone else would say ‘of course! We adults can wait because we have learnt that, and children can’t – see to your child and then we can talk’.

So breastfeeding and responsive parenting isn’t a tie – our culture makes it isolating and solitary, hard work. But how on earth do we do it, then, if we feel it’s the right thing for us and our babies but we live in this bizarre culture?

The best thing I can suggest if you are one of the mums who is feeling this way, is that you seek out other parents who are parenting in the same way you are, and talk to them honestly. Bad patches are normal, but they’re scary when we have to live through them on our own, so tell people, and let them hold you through it.

Having a support network around you can also help with things like sharing parenting – visiting places together takes the pressure off you, and someone else can help your toddler do up her coat while you breastfeed your baby so you don’t have to get flustered trying to decide which thing to do first.

It’s not helpful to choose support that consists of people who will tell you just to put your baby in nursery, or to wean them off the breast if that is what is important to you, so be prepared with what to say to people who suggest that. Tell them exactly what help you need – a listening ear? an acknowledgement of how hard you’re finding it? practical help like doing your laundry for a couple of weeks?

You are not alone if you find breastfeeding, or any aspect of close, responsive parenting stifling and frightening. You’re normal and not struggling with mothering but with mothering in our culture. And your baby isn’t being clingy because of anything you’ve done, but because he’s normal, and you’re expecting him to behave in the way our culture tells us babies behave…which isn’t normal.

So find a support network, and be honest about your feelings is my suggestion for how to survive if you choose to breastfeed and/or to parent in this close, responsive way.

Exceprt from Free Your Parenting blog (http://freeyourparenting.com)

Cord clamping is a where a baby’s umbilical cord is clamped and cut. Cord clamping might be done prior, during, immediately after or hours after birth, although usually takes place in the third stage of labour (for a vaginal delivery).

When cord severance is performed before physiological closure, a plastic clamp or ligature is applied to the remaining cord to prevent blood loss from the baby. The blood collected is often stored for future emergency use in a cord blood bank.

What is the Third Stage of Labour?

The ‘third stage of labour’ is described as the time from birth of the baby to the expulsion of the placenta and membranes. For the baby, this is the period when blood is distributed back to the baby.

Active management of the third stage of labour is designed to speed up the delivery of the placenta and minimise maternal blood loss (but studies vary, with some identifying less bleeding while others found increased risk of hemorrhage linked to active management in low risk women). Active management can involve cord clamping, administration of uterotonic drugs, cord traction and uterine massage.

Immediate clamping used to be recommended as part of routine active management – however international and some national guidelines on active management now advise to defer cord clamping  for approximately 3 minutes (or until cord pulsations cease/ cord collapses).

What is Immediate Cord Clamping?

Immediate cord clamping occurs within the first 30 seconds after birth. The cord might be clamped with the birth of the shoulders or immediately afterwards. Immediate or early cord clamping disrupts normal physiology, anatomy and the birth process.

Researchers claim the practice of immediate and early cord clamping developed without adequate evidence or regard for the baby and the profound physiological changes that occur at birth.

What is Delayed Cord Clamping?

Delayed cord clamping is the practice of waiting to clamp the umbilical cord at birth, usually until the cord has stopped pulsating.

What are the Benefits of Delayed Clamping?

The benefits of physiological cord closure or delayed clamping for the baby include a normal, healthy blood volume for the transition to life outside the womb; and a full count of red blood cells, stem cells and immune cells.

For the mother, an avoidance or delay in cord clamping keeps the mother-baby unit intact and can prevent complications with delivering the placenta.

Studies show delayed cord clamping produces increased vasodilation and perfusion: higher blood pressure, higher hematocrit levels, more optimal oxygen transport and higher red blood cell flow to vital organs, reduced infant anaemia and increased duration of breastfeeding. For preterm infants, the benefits also included fewer days on oxygen and ventilation, fewer transfusions, and lower rates of intraventricular hemorrhage and late-onset sepsis.

How to Delay Cord Clamping

In normal birth, delayed clamping is achieved by leaving the umbilical cord intact during the placental transfusion and not clamping until the cord has stopped pulsating.

Once the baby has begun to breathe and achieved a normal circulating blood volume, the cord ceases to pulse and closes naturally (physiological cord closure, cord appears thinner, white and flaccid). It can take around 3 to 7 minutes for a baby to transition and to establish a physiological blood volume, but this process can take longer for some babies.

In surgical deliveries (caesarean section), a ‘delay’ in clamping can be achieved (except in cases where there is incision or damage to the placenta). The baby can be held below the level of the placenta to assist with the transfer of blood from the placenta to the baby. Some practitioners may choose to “milk” the blood in the cord towards the baby and/or wait 40 seconds or more before clamping. With a ‘lotus’ caesarean section the placenta may remain attached to the baby, without clamping the cord.

The World Health Organisation states the “optimal time to clamp the umbilical cord for all infants regardless of gestational age or fetal weight is when the circulation in the cord has ceased, and the cord is flat and pulseless (approximately 3 minutes or more after birth).”

For more on the blood distribution and the benefits of delayed cord clamping watch this video

Delayed Cord Clamping explained by Penny Simkin

This article is summarised from resources found on CordClamping.com. For additional resources on delayed cord clamping please visit http://cord-clamping.com/

drug (drug)

1. a chemical substance that affects the processes of the mind or body.

Which drugs should you choose for your labor?

Natural oxytocin-

“Oxytocin is the hormone that causes the uterus to contract during labour. Levels of oxytocin gradually increase throughout labour, and are highest around the time of birth, when it contributes to the euphoria and receptiveness to her baby that a mother usually feels after an unmedicated birth. This peak, which is triggered by sensations of stretching of the birth canal as the baby is born, does not occur when an epidural is in place. Administration of an epidural has been found to interfere with bonding between ewes and their newborn lambs.” Sarah Buckley

Hey, that sounds kind of nice! Euphoria and loving that baby!

Artificial Oxytocin – aka Syntocin

Syntocin is used to induce and speed up labours at hospitals around the world in alarming rates (and also known overseas as Pitocin). Its known side effects are:

“The following adverse reactions have been reported in the mother:

• Anaphylactic reaction
• Premature ventricular contractions
• Postpartum hemorrhage
• Pelvic hematoma
• Cardiac arrhythmia
• Subarachnoid hemorrhage
• Fatal afibrinogenemia
• Hypertensive episodes
• Nausea
• Rupture of the uterus
• Vomiting

Endorphins

“In addition to decreased feelings of pain, secretion of endorphins leads to feelings of euphoria, modulation of appetite, release of sex hormones, and enhancement of the immune response. With high endorphin levels, we feel less pain and fewer negative effects of stress.” Via medicinenet.com

Decreased pain in labour! Release of sex hormones….this sounds good. Of course you could always opt for an epidural….

Bupivacaine, a drug common in epidurals

“Spinal anesthesia may alter the forces of parturition through changes in uterine contractility or maternal expulsive efforts. Spinal anesthesia has also been reported to prolong the second stage of labor by removing the parturient’s reflex urge to bear down or by interfering with motor function. The use of obstetrical anesthesia may increase the need for forceps assistance.”
(Don’t worry, there are actually more side effects than this)

Or chloroprocaine, another common epidural drug.

“Adverse reactions in the parturient, fetus and neonate involve alterations of the central nervous system, peripheral vascular
tone and cardiac function.
Maternal hypotension has resulted from regional anesthesia. Local anesthetics produce vasodilation by blocking sympathetic nerves. Elevating the patient’s legs and positioning her on her left side will help prevent decreases in blood pressure. The fetal heart rate also should be monitored continuously, and electronic fetal monitoring is highly advisable.

Epidural, paracervical, or pudendal anesthesia may alter the forces of parturition through changes in uterine contractility or maternal expulsive efforts. In one study, paracervical block anesthesia was associated with a decrease in the mean duration of first stage labor and facilitation of cervical dilation.

However, epidural anesthesia has also been reported to prolong the second stage of labor by removing the parturient’s reflex urge to bear down or by interfering with motor function. The use of obstetrical anesthesia may increase the need for forceps assistance.
The use of some local anesthetic drug products during labor and delivery may be followed by diminished muscle strength and tone for the first day or two of life. The long-term significance of these observations is unknown.”

So which drugs do you want to use in labour – the ones your own body produces during an undisturbed and euphoric birth, or do you want the drugs that have package inserts and warnings?

1) You’re doing OK

In fact you’re doing more than OK, you’re doing bloody brilliantly, you have a happy, healthy thriving baby boy! go you! WELL DONE!!!

2) You don’t need to be on a diet

Give yourself a break – you’ve just had a baby – there are better things to worry about! in fact in 10yrs time you’ll be wishing for the body you have right now! even if all your new mum friends are going to postnatal exercise classes and slimming world it doesn’t mean you should too.

3) You shouldn’t judge yourself by everyone else

Because they are different to you, their lives are different, their babies are different and you can bet your bum they are as neurotic as you about their parenting skills! never, never, never compare yourself to others. Parenting is a journey, not a competition and we are all different!

4) You shouldn’t compare your baby to other’s babies

Especially not milestones and especially not if you judge your own worth by when your baby does things. In years to come you will revel in your child’s uniqueness and wish so much that you didn’t waste time looking at others so much, for each minute you dwell on them is a minute you miss your own child’s amazing qualities.

5) You don’t need to express milk just because everyone else is

…and you don’t win prizes for having 5lts of frozen breastmilk in funny little bags in your freezer that you don’t really need because you can’t bear to be parted from your baby- and expressing so dad can give the baby a bottle at night is not the only way for him to bond (something I can guarantee you don’t need to worry about anyway as in years to come they’ll be as thick as thieves!).

6) Don’t waste your money on the expensive cot, buggy, change bag,  baby mozart dvds, v-tech walker, tiny love mobile etc…

Your baby doesn’t appreciate how much you’ve spent on him, what he really appreciates you can give for free – in abundance and all those things above you spent thousands on, well in 10yrs time you won’t even be able to remember them, your baby got hadly any use out of them anyway and don’t mention the sangenic nappy wrapper! Don’t be too proud to buy second hand, your baby won’t know and you’ll save a fortune, in 10yrs time you’ll buy everything from NCT sales and Ebay and be proud!

7) Don’t drag yourself out to baby swimming, baby yoga, baby music, baby gym, baby French, coffee mornings etc..

You know those classes and groups that you really don’t like? the ones that cost a fortune and the ones that actually if you think about it your baby doesn’t really get much from either. Babies do not need entertainment and attending these classes does not make you a better mum, you give him all the stimulation he needs – and more.

Step away from the Gina Ford book (and Tracey Hogg too!)

Burn it, burn it quick! if anything will undermine your confidence and your enjoyment of new parenting it’s this book (and actually so will The Baby Whisperer, even though it seems gentler on first look). It doesn’t matter that ALL your new mum friends follow Gina Ford and have quiet babies that never cry and sleep and eat to the clock and measuring jug, they are not content, they are not something to aspire too, you are not useless because your baby woke 3 times in the night and you have no idea when he’ll next eat or sleep, just because everyone else is  doing it – doesn’t mean it’s right! Actually, now we’re on this point, those other books and magazines, throw them away too!

9) Do spend some time learning how to use your karrime.

Don’t sell it on Ebay because it looks too complicated and go and buy a Baby Bjorn instead and don’t stop carrying at 6mths just because everyone else is and others say it will make him lazy. He likes to be close to you and if hold him for as long as he wants there is a good chance he will grow up more confident than the shy, anxious, clingy little boy he is now.

10) Don’t take up everyone’s offer of “looking after the baby so you can go out and get some me time”

Ask them instead to cook your dinner, or clean the house while you sit in piece and cuddle your baby. You are totally normal in not wanting to go out shopping alone for the afternoon and leave your 3mth old with a friend or relative…and that housework? actually forget it, good mums have dirty houses because they spend their time with their babies!

11) Don’t struggle to get your baby to self settle and sleep alone in his moses basket.

There is a reason he sleeps better in bed next to you, you’re not committing some heinous sin by letting him stay with you and admit it, you rather like it too! Refer back to point number 9!

12) Learn about Baby Led Weaning

End of. Throw away the steamer, the funny little pots, the ice cube trays, the Annabel Karmel book, the carefully crafted and expensive organic recipes. In 10yrs you will have the pickiest eater on the planet and having BLW two subsequent babies you won’t be able to understand why you were a slave to the kitchen and made train noises with spoonfuls of pureed butternut squash and sweet potato for so long.

13) The birth was not your fault – forgive yourself

Your “failure to progress”? was really their “failure to wait”. In time you will understand this and forgive yourself and gain the confidence and wisdom you need to have amazing births that settle the demons of this one. For now be gentle on yourself, you should not “feel lucky because you have a healthy baby and that’s all that matters”. It is not wrong to feel jealous of other women’s births and it is not wrong to dwell on how traumatised you felt about yours.

14) Potty Train when he is ready, not when your Health visitor, friend or latest book tells you

Believe me it will be so much easier to do when he’s ready and no, I can guarantee you he won’t be in nappies forever!

15) Health visitors do not know everything

Especially when it goes against what you feel. Controlled crying will not make you all more happy (you will regret that awful night for the rest of your life), weaning at 16wks will not make him gain weight or sleep more (but may well have contributed to his Coeliac disease he was diagnosed with at age 7), he does not need vitamins to supplement your breastmilk – it’s great as it is.

16) Don’t buy the bumbo, doorway bouncer and exersaucer

He doesn’t need them, they place lots of strain on his hips and legs and might even have contributed to his hip and leg issues  that you had to see paediatricians for for a year.

17) Read and sing to your baby

No matter how silly you feel, he might not understand the words but reading is so important as is the time you give him when the two of you are together with a book and regarding singing he won’t care if you sing off pitch, music is so important, to you and to him – don’t lose it.

18) Take lots of video

Photos are great, but videos are so much better and in years to come you will lament that you didn’t take more.

19) Don’t keep wishing for him to do things more quickly.

It will come, soon enough he’ll be crawling, pulling up, rolling over, walking……..enjoy him as he is now, for when you try to speed up his development you miss out on so much in the moment!

20) Enjoy every minute – they grow too quickly!

Yes it’s a cliche, yes you were sick of hearing it as a new mum, but it’s oh so true, treasure every single second – because in 10yrs you’ll wonder where that time has gone and be desperate to do it all over again

Article by BabyCalm who you can find on facebook: www.facebook.com/babycalm

Today almost all ‘civilised nations’ who have women birthing in hospitals manage the third stage of labour with an artificial injection of ocytocin (Syntocin in Australia). The purpose of this is to encourage the placenta to release from the uterus quickly, in order to prevent the occurence of a Post Partum Haemorrage.

In natural birth when this stage takes place without intervention (ie the use of Syntocin) the mother and baby experience peak levels of hormones that create feelings of love, pleasure and alertness during the third stage (oxytocin and endorphins). These natural hormones support a deep bond between the mother and baby and produces strong uterine contractions which encourage the separation of the placenta from the uterus, in order to eventually expel the placenta and control post-partum bleeding.

In a physiological birth, the pulsating umbilical cord is left intact while the placenta continues to function. A step-wise shift in blood volume from the placenta to the baby provides an optimal level of oxygen, blood volume and full count of red blood cells, stem cells and immune cells in the baby.

During the first frew minutes following birth, the baby makes the remarkable changes from fetal–placental circulation to independent breathing, circulation and full organ function. The change in the baby’s colour, from ‘white’/ blue/ purple to a reassuring pink, signifies a successful transition from fetal life to life outside the womb.

A natural third stage – sometimes called physiological third stage or ‘expectant’ management – is the culmination of a normal labour and birth with (little to) no intervention.

Women choosing a natural birth, third stage and physiological cord closure should give due consideration to their chosen birth environment, the impact of interventions, the knowledge and experience of their care providers and role of other birth attendants.

Along with undisturbed time with the baby, other factors that support a safe natural third stage for the mother include a warm, supportive environment, attention to the mother’s level of comfort, minimal lighting and distraction, delayed or no cord clamping, skin-to-skin contact and the baby initiating breastfeeding. You can find more information here in other blog articles, and by visiting One World Birth

References:
Buckley, S.J. “Leaving Well Enough Alone: Natural Perspectives on the Third Stage of Labor” , Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering: A Doctor’s Guide to Natural Childbirth and Gentle Early Parenting Choices (2009) New York: Celestial Arts

Mercer, J. Skovgaard, R. & Erickson-Owens, D. “Fetal to neonatal transition: first, do no harm“, Normal Childbirth: Evidence and Debate second edition (2008) edited by Downe, S. pp149-174

Mercer, J. Skovgaard R. Neonatal transitional physiology: a new paradigm. J Perinat Neonatal Nurs. 2002 Mar;15(4):56-75.

We headed home to have a shower and relax as my surges had not started at that stage and the fluid was clear so we knew everything was ok. My surges started half an hour apart about 1 hour after my membranes released and we laboured at home until 10.30pm when the hospital insisted we come in to double check everything was ok.

On arriving at hospital we found the waiting and monitoring of bub’s heart beat slowed our surges right down so we decided we would return home to a more relaxed environment.

We had not been home more than a couple of hours when the surges were at 3 minutes apart and quiet intense. We were able to labour well with our practiced breathing techniques, light touch massage and using different positions for comfort until we decided to make our way back to the hospital.

On arrival we agreed to one examination and were informed I was fully dilated. The midwife had not fully understood our birth plan at that stage (preferance was not to inform mum how far dilated she was) and informed me instead of just telling my husband. This again slowed my surges.

We laboured in the shower for a period of time however found this wasn’t working for us and after a midwife shift change decided we would start walking around to get things moving along again.  I used a small amount of gas later in the labour however found I wasn’t thinking about the breathing down and gave this away.

The midwife was concerned that my surges were not close enough or long enough for the final stage and as we had been crowning for some time so we decided to have an oxytocin drip. This made my surges more consistent and we welcomed our beautiful girl Rachel into the world at 10.51am on the Saturday morning weighing 7 pounds 14 ounces. Our birth story ended up getting around the hospital and a number of midwifes commented on how calm we were and have fast our labour progressed for a first time mother.

Time line

- Membranes released at 7.30pm

- Surges started at 8.30pm

- Fully dilated at 6am

- Born at 10.51am

Today we have a beautiful, relaxed, calm, healthy baby girl and are very happy with how she entered the world.

We will definitely be using the same techniques for our future children and we continue to inform people of their choices and the benefits of HypnoBirthing.  Thank you for all your wonderful support Bree.

- Amanda and Russell

There is no foolproof way to guarantee a good night’s sleep when you have young children around—to be the parent of a young child is to be tired. Cosleeping is a skill that when mastered can minimize the inevitable exhaustion. As with any skill, it takes time and practice to get the hang of it, and talking to other masters in the field—that is, other parents with cosleeping experience—can give the tired parent creative ways around the common roadblocks to happy family bedding. I interviewed parents around the world to find out how they had overcome the nine most common obstacles.

Obstacle 1: Will I squash my baby? When Kris Placke and her husband, Ben, brought their infant son into bed with them, they were terrified of rolling over on top of him. “So I would push him up as far toward the top of the bed as possible, and we would scoot down,” said Placke, who lives in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia. “That lasted about a week. Then I realized I was disturbing him more this way when he needed to nurse. I talked to my midwife, who had incredible advice. She said, ‘How often do you fall out of bed at night? You don’t, because even when you’re asleep, you know the edge is there. When you are asleep, you know the baby is there, too—it’s much more intense than knowing the edge is there.’ ”

“One thing people are always afraid of is overlaying,” said Meredith Small, professor of anthropology at Cornell University, author of Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent, and herself a cosleeping mother. “Which is funny, because worldwide, babies sleep with an adult. If this was a problem, all those babies would be dead, and they’re not.” Small added that overlaying is extremely rare, and generally associated with certain risk factors, such as smoking, drinking, and drug use. (See sidebar, “Family Bed Safety,” for more information.)

Obstacle 2: How do I keep up my love life? “This seems to be one of the biggest misconceptions about the family bed,” said Rhonda Ploubis of Allen, Texas, who shares sleep with her husband and two-and-a-half-year-old son. “If you are cosleeping with a baby, how do you manage to have a fulfilling sex life? Well, it’s a no-brainer, really: just take the sex out of the bedroom! Where is it written that sexual intimacy only comes at the end of the day, in the dark, in the master bedroom, on the bed?”

Lynne Hoskins, a mother of two from the state of Washington, said that from toddlerhood on, their family has used the “modified family bed,” in which the children start in their own bed in the beginning of the night and join their parents later. “This, I think, helped us stay intimate with each other. We could talk, read, and cuddle with no kids in the bedroom—although we did have sex even when the baby was in the sidecar. We were quiet!”

Aletha Solter, a developmental psychologist and author of The Aware Baby, said that one important thing both partners must realize is that a woman’s sex drive is often greatly reduced after having a baby—with or without cosleeping. “Life is not going to be the same after the baby is born,” she said. “Many cultures have a postpartum sex taboo, which is in part to prevent another pregnancy, and also in part to protect the male ego. It can last between six months and two years, depending on the culture.” Dr. Solter said that both partners have a responsibility: For the man, “don’t force a woman to choose between the baby’s needs and your own needs. If it comes down to that, the man needs to think about why he’s so desperate to have his wife all to himself.” Women also have to be careful—in their case, not to neglect their partners. “Mothers tend to put the couple’s relationship on hold after having a baby, and that’s a mistake, too,” said Solter. Both partners need to work to schedule in regular couple time—which doesn’t always have to include sex.

Obstacle 3: How do I handle the squirming? This issue was one many mothers found the most difficult, and certainly was my own biggest hurdle to overcome. (My husband can sleep through a riot.) For us, buying a king-size bed was key. One friend of mine had an even cleverer solution—she put a camping mattress under her side of the futon that she and her daughter slept on, which put them on different levels; that slight difference not only helped with the squirming but also alleviated the all-night nursing (see Obstacle 5).

Other families found other ways to increase the square footage of their sleeping space. One mother added a twin bed next to her queen-size bed; another moved a crib next to her bed and removed the side rail. “Instant relief,” said Vickie Queen of Decatur, Georgia, who tried the crib option, also known as a sidecar. “I wish we’d done it a year earlier.”

For some families, squirmy babies are simply part of the cosleeping territory. “We are still dealing with that,” said Kris Placke. “Nigel is everywhere. It’s something you just get used to! Nigel hates covers, and occasionally we wake to find feet in weird places. What I’ve come to realize—and this extends beyond sleep—is that parents really must constantly strive to raise their tolerance levels. It’s true with anything. How long can you stand to hold your child while he turns the light switch off and on? It’s a matter of accepting the child’s behavior as age-appropriate and increasing your own tolerance level.”

Obstacle 4: How do I keep my mobile baby from falling off the bed? An important thing for parents to know is that whether or not their baby is mobile, babies should never be left unattended in an adult bed. “Wherever possible, babies shouldn’t sleep outside the supervision of adults,” especially on adult beds with soft mattresses, said James J. McKenna, professor of anthropology and director of the Center for Behavioral Studies of Mother-Infant Sleep. “When babies start moving around, that could get really dangerous.” McKenna suggests that if the parents want some alone time for part of the night, they temporarily move the baby to a crib or bassinet (see sidebar, “Family Bed Safety”).

Many parents pointed out that if the baby sleeps between the parents, the parents themselves act as a barrier against the baby rolling out of bed. Using a crib as a sidecar, or using a commercial sidecar, also can help keep baby safely in bed. For parents who are still concerned, one suggestion is to remove the box spring and frame from the family bed and put the mattress directly on the floor. “If I had it all to do over again,” said Meredith Small, “that’s what I’d do—put a king-size mattress on the floor.”

Obstacle 5: How do I cope with all-night nursing? James J. McKenna said his research indicates that breastfeeding doubles in frequency when parents share sleep with their children. As cumbersome as this can seem to some mothers, there may be a solid biological reason behind it. “Fifty percent of studies show that breastfeeding protects against SIDS [sudden infant death syndrome],” he said. “And it may not be so much whether you breastfeed as how much you breastfeed. Babies who wake up to nurse are not only getting more arousals, they’re getting more milk, getting more antibodies.” Those antibodies can protect against fast-acting bacteria and viruses that can attack the lungs, he added.

As protective as it can be, continuous night nursing can make it difficult for mothers to feel they are getting enough sleep. Jodie Lucci, a mother of two from Hooksett, New Hampshire, said that all-night nursing was one of the most annoying aspects of cosleeping—”but I can only imagine how much worse it would have been if I’d had to trudge out of bed to deal with it.” Lucci’s children were “reverse feeders,” meaning they tended to get most of their nutrition at night. To cope, “I went to bed early, leaving baby with my husband, and on weekends I would let him take care of the children while I slept late.” Lucci also worked to “tank them up” during the day with frequent feedings in dark, quiet rooms. She suggests “avoiding large amounts of solids until they are digesting them—check their diaper. They don’t add much in the way of nutrients and will decrease your milk supply. Otherwise, night comes and the baby’s belly no longer feels full; they are still hungry.”

Obstacle 6: Will my baby ever leave the bed? Around the time I decided that weaning from the family bed was no more necessary than weaning from the family couch, my daughter, Julia, became interested in why all the other toddlers she knew were in their own beds, and why in all the books she read, the children were sleeping alone. “Where is the mommy?” she would ask. I would tell her matter-of-factly that the mommy was in her own bed and the child was in his own bed. She seemed very interested in this idea and began to pretend that the living-room couch was her own bed. We bought a bed for her, thinking it would be months, if not years, before she had any interest in it. To our shock, the day we set it up she insisted on sleeping there and hasn’t slept in our bed since. She was 28 months old when she moved out of our bed, and the sense of sadness those first few nights without her in our bed was profound. “I have three children who ‘graduated’ from the family bed; they are now 16, 13, and 5,” said Christine Ewton of Jacksonville, Florida. “They each made the transition to their own bed around the same time they weaned, usually between two and four years. Of course the five year old will make his way to my bed in the morning when he wakes up, but can you blame him? As my children nursed less often, I would begin to talk about how they would soon get to sleep in the big boy/girl bed, so that by the time they weaned, it was more of a treat to get to sleep in their own bed.”

In many cultures, James J. McKenna said, weaning from the family bed is not an abrupt shift from the parental bed to solitary sleep, but rather “a gradual movement of proximity from the parent” over time. Even in American culture, cosleeping is more fluid than many might believe. “A lot of parents don’t believe they are active cosleepers because they start the baby in the crib but move the baby into their bed at 2 or 3 a.m.,” he said. “The location of the child can change as the developmental needs of the child change. There is a great deal of fluidity. I call this the parent-infant sleep proximity continuum—it can change through the night, week, or year.” Instead of focusing on cosleeping as a static arrangement that starts in infancy and suddenly ends sometime in toddlerhood, parents should remain flexible throughout childhood about where family members sleep. It’s normal for children and parents to go back and forth between various sleeping places, McKenna said. “We should be educating parents to prepare for these different encounters.”

Obstacle 7: What if my partner is opposed to cosleeping? “My husband, Jim, says he is not happy with the family bed,” admits Cait Goodwin of Weymouth, Massachusetts. “But he puts up with it because he knows I like it, Sophie likes it, and because he doesn’t have a better plan.” Earlier on, Jim was very worried about squashing Sophie, and also had trouble sleeping because he was afraid any noise or movement would rouse the baby. But “our current situation with the twin bed next to our bed is a great improvement for him,” says Goodwin. “His movements don’t affect her, and there’s a good chance he’ll get the queen-size to himself for several hours!”

Sara Sengenberger, of Oxford, England, said she “cheated” and used the easy way to win over her reluctant husband: “I finally said, ‘OK, if it’s that important to you, we can try putting the baby in a crib to see how well it works. Whenever she wakes at night to breastfeed, you can get her and bring her to me in bed. When she is finished, you can take her back to her crib. You can also get up to see if she’s cold or if she needs to be changed. If she doesn’t settle back to sleep at once, you can stand and rock her to sleep.’ The idea of bedsharing suddenly seemed much more appealing to him!”

Obstacle 8: How do I handle criticism from relatives? “We didn’t necessarily want to hide it,” said Kris Placke, but without a crib in the house, “it was really unhideable. The subject came up all the time. And people would word things oddly—one woman said, ‘That’s fine for you, but I would worry about the baby.’ As if I didn’t worry about the baby! We would hear those comments a lot. It’s not exactly like saying ‘To each his own’; it’s more like saying, ‘You negligent mother,’ but in the nicest of ways.”

There are various ways of coping with critical friends and relatives, from grinning and bearing it to direct confrontation. “Education is one avenue,” said Rhonda Ploubis. “I would suggest printing out information on the benefits of cosleeping and how cosleeping is the norm in most countries of the world, and encouraging them to read it. If that didn’t stop the criticism, then I would be more direct and simply remind the offending relative that this was my family and my opportunity to parent in the way I felt was appropriate.” Failing that, simply tell the person the subject is no longer open for discussion, she added. Finally, “the good-natured complaining I did [about the family bed] seemed to open the door for criticism of our sleeping arrangements,” she said. “So I didn’t volunteer information unless I was in like-minded company.”

Obstacle 9: What if one child is still in bed with me when another baby comes along? Not only is this a logistics problem, it’s a potential safety problem. “It is not safe for a toddler to be next to a baby, because toddlers don’t have any sense of the dangers their bodies pose,” said James J. McKenna. “The assumption should be made, in fact, that the toddler will overlay the baby.” What can concerned parents do? McKenna suggested that if the toddler is ready for more separation, she could move to a mattress on the floor, next to the parents. “Or . . . the young baby . . . could be attached in a cosleeper,” which would allow for closeness but provide a sleeping surface separate from the toddler’s. “It depends on the circumstances, on the social desires of the parents, and the nature of the child. There are alternatives to a baby sleeping next to a toddler.”

For Lynne Hoskins and her husband, transitioning their son, Alan, to a futon next to their bed was a perfect solution. “When Lisa was born, she came into the middle space, and Alan didn’t feel transplanted.” When Alan wanted a parental cuddle, he would climb up onto his father’s side of the bed, away from the baby.

Other families found they could arrange family members so that the toddler and baby weren’t next to each other. “We put the mattress on the floor, with my husband on the outside, our son, then myself, and the baby on the edge,” which put an adult between the children, said Jodie Lucci. Clearly, there are more solutions to cosleeping hassles than just living with them—or giving up and putting a baby into her crib to cry it out. The creativity exhibited by these bedsharing families is impressive, and it shows what we can accomplish when we come out of the closet and start talking to each other—really talking—about what life in the family bed is like.

For me, this information came a little late for my first baby. I found a few ways to cope that first year, but mostly I simply struggled along, envious of my husband—he who had been in favor of the family bed all along, and who could sleep through the most aggressive baby thrashings and piercing cries. When my second baby was born, I was a more seasoned parent. My son was an even more challenging cosleeper, but I looked at my older child, who by then mostly slept on her own through the night, and I knew that this, too, would pass.

And so it has. My youngest is now four and is sleeping longer and longer through the night in his own bed before he comes creeping into ours. In the mornings, both my babies wake me up by crawling into bed with me, flopping over me, and seeing who can get closest to me. Then they take turns saying, “I love you,” over and over, as I slowly rise from sleep. I can’t think of a better way to wake up.

Resources
Small, Meredith. Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent. New York: Doubleday, 1998.
Solter, Aletha. The Aware Baby. Goleta, CA: Shining Star Press, 2001.